14,000 feet between me and Earth.

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Shortly after Reece was born I was the first time I asked Kyle to take me skydiving.  He chuckled “no”.  For me, there was something about bringing a new life into this world made me realize I didn’t want to waste a moment of mine.

Years went by and although I broached the question to Kyle a few more times his answer never changed.  No.  He just wasn’t interested in jumping out of a plane.  I could accept that for him but for me, I knew I would jump at some point.

A few weeks ago I saw a post online by a fellow Army wife asking if anyone was interested in skydiving.  She was looking to rally enough people to haggle a group discount with the company.  I was ready to sign-up but I really wanted Kyle to jump with me.  When he came home from work that day I asked.  Without hesitation he said “yes”.  I didn’t know what it was that changed his mind but I didn’t care.  I immediately signed us up.

So we did it!  We jumped out of a perfectly good airplane!

Bright and early Saturday morning we left the kids with a friend and drove out to the jump site.  All morning I was a crazy ball of nerves.  I wanted to jump but I was still scared out of my mind.  Kyle and I kept on saying to each other “we’re going to jump out of a plane!”, a statement precariously balancing between mixed emotions.

When we arrived, most of the group was already in the classroom watching a movie.  Kyle and I hurried in, grabbed our paperwork, and filled it out as we watched.  This ‘movie’ was the epitome of an anti-pep-talk.  It was the required ‘you’re jumping at your own risk and you can’t sue us and if you die and, well, that is possible but have fun’ movie.  I can’t lie and say this didn’t have me second guessing my desire to plummet towards earth with some precautionary measures and a prayer but I was not about to chicken out.

Once the paperwork was properly filled out –again, more ‘are you really sure you want to do this?’ paperwork- we went outside to watch other skydivers and wait.  It was so surreal to see other people glide down and know that we would be doing the same thing shortly.  After a short wait our names were called; one step closer.

Kyle would be jumping with Marcelo while Casey took pictures and video.  I would be strapped to ­­­­­Robby as Cado catches it all on camera.  We all loaded up into the plane, smooshed; no more chances to back out!

It felt so strange as we climbed higher and higher.  The company guaranteed the jump would begin at an elevation of 14,000 feet or higher and they proved this with an altimeter easily visible right by the jump door.  I watched that sucker glide past the numbers as we climbed passed each thousand feet.  I remember looking out the window and giggling in disbelief.  We were going to jump out of an airplane!

When we got to the designated altitude the door opened and it was time.  My tandem master gave me a few simple instructions and we walked to the opening.  Before I have a chance to think “what the hell am I doing?!?!” we were out and free falling!  I can’t explain why –or how- but I wasn’t scared.  It was so exhilarating!  I screamed!  It was so cold but the experience was so overwhelming that I didn’t care.  I laughed and made silly face and just took it all in.  My tandem guy was awesome.  He spun us and flipped us and jerked me around.

After what seemed like we were falling forever he pulled the parachute and everything stopped.  It was eerie how quiet things became.  Robby loosened up the straps and told me to take off my goggles.  The view was incredible.  We were just under the clouds at this point so nothing was obstructing our view of the entire island.  I was fricken SKYDIVING in HAWAII!

The landing was perfect.  Robby unhooked me and Cado lead me out of the drop site.  I met back up with Kyle, gave him a kiss and we excitedly compared experiences.  We then went to a theater room where we viewed our entire jump and pictures on a huge TV.  It was such a rush reliving the jump.  We –naturally- bought the pictures and DVD of our jumps which I have already published a bunch all over my and Kyle’s Facebook page.

I don’t think I stopped giggling until we left the skydive center.

I knew I wanted to skydive at least once in my life.  I figured I would do it and be done, never wanting to go again, but I do.  I want to keep jumping out of airplanes, haha!  Kyle and I jokingly tried to come up with a plan of somehow making it a part-time weekend job; he being the tandem master and I be the camera girl.

It was such a rush.

Ps.  If anyone who visits us wants to skydive that is a-okay with us!  We’re game!

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Surprisingly, I’m not scared of my shadow.

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I can’t explain why but over the past ten or so years I have become a chicken.  So much stuff scares me and the silly part is most of it is irrational.  I am scared of incredibly huge things like whales.  WHALES!  How can someone be scared of whales?  I know they are –mostly- gentle creatures but the thought of seeing one in person gets my heart racing.  What the hell?  I don’t remember being scared of silly things like this ten years ago.

My mind goes a mile a minute.  Here is just a snippet of what I think about on a random day.  Keep in mind, this is just what runs through my head without my control.  I realize my silly fears are just that, silly, but a little insect of a thought invades my brain and I am forced to find the ‘silly’ within the fear to exterminate it.  With slight embarrassment and total honesty, here we go.

- When I am driving I worry about four-way intersections because another driver may not realize it’s hit turn to stop, blow through the intersection and hit my truck.  Possible?  Yes.  Probable?   No.

- When I drive under a bridge or viaduct I worry the structure will collapse on me.  Possible?  Yes.  Probable?  No.

- Whales!  Lions!  Tigers!  Bears!  -oh my!-   They’re huge!  Being harmed by one of those?  Possible?  Yes.  Probable?  No.

- Deep water, whether the water is clear or murky, I don’t care.  If I was dropped in the middle of the ocean I would die of a heart attack well before I would drown.  Shit, sometimes deep pools get my heart racing.  I can’t explain why.  Something worth worrying about in the water?  Possible?  Yes.  Probable?  No.

- Airplanes now makes me slightly nervous.  Not me flying in one but having one crash into me.  When we lived in DC we lived across the river from Reagan National and the planes would come so close during landing that I could tell you if the pilot had bad breath.  I worried one would take out the top floor of our house.  Possible?  Yes.  Probable?  No.

- Wild boar worry me when we go on hikes.  I saw a pack of wild boars on post that were not bothered by traffic/people being nearby so now when we go hiking I get jumpy when I think I hear something rumbling around in the bushes.  The chances we run into one?  Possible?  Yes.  Probable?  No.

- Tall mountains.  I can’t pinpoint why they raise my blood pressure but I can guess that maybe I worry about falling off or something falling off onto me.  Possible?  Yes.  Probable?  No.

- Spontaneous reversal of gravity.  This I can’t explain, it is just ridiculous.  Possible?  Yes.  Probable?  No way!

- And so many more…… scared

Don’t think I don’t know that this is bananas.  I know the shit that runs through my brain is mostly irrational and I would like to believe I have done a grand job not letting those irrational thoughts have even the slightest impact on my life.  In fact, I think I have gone out of my way to force myself to face those foolish fears in hopes to get over them.  I want to dive with sharks and whales; that is three big fears faced that I look forward to.

Tomorrow Kyle is taking me skydiving for my birthday and I can already feel my muscles tensing up.  I am nervous as hell but those nerves are getting me pumped at the same time. I am looking forward to crying as we sit in the plane before takeoff.    I can’t wait to be terrified as I jump out of a perfectly good airplane.  I am excited to scream like a baby as I plummet towards Earth!

If I let my ridiculous fears rule my life I would keep my family and myself locked in the house filled with preparations that would rival any doomsday prepper.  I have a very active and creative imagination that I cannot shut off.  It gets me in trouble, gets me overthinking every possible avenue of a particular activity which can scare me.  My rational side makes fun of my crazy side which makes for some great internal dialogue.  I like being scared but I like discrediting/experiencing/testing what scares me so much more.  I want to experience so much of what life has to offer me leaving little room for crazy fears.

To give credit where credit is due, image stolen from society6.com .

Ps.  Hit up that website linked above.  There are a lot of super cute doodles that can be printed on stationary, canvas, clothing and totes!

Teaching adults how to read

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I couldn’t imagine the person I would be if I couldn’t read.  Reading is my thing.  I read every chance I get and sometimes find myself reading at the most random times like when I brush my teeth –read the baby shampoo bottle- or when I’m cooking –anything on a food label- and even when I am feeding the kids.  I read every piece of mail that is sent to this house, front, back, fine print and all.  I don’t have control when I read most of the time.  If I see words my brain just instinctively reads them, all of them.

So I couldn’t imagine the kind of person I would be if I didn’t know how to read.

Remember how I said I read every piece of mail?  Well yesterday the O’ahu mid-week paper was delivered and as I was feeding Kylee I flipped through it.  I read an article about the Hawaii Literacy Organization and how there are over 155,000 adults in this state alone who don’t know how to read.  That BLEW MY MIND!  How is this possible?  How can people function in today’s world without knowing how to read?  I know it is possible but I just cannot believe that it is enjoyable.  These adults must want to know how to read, right?

HawaiiLiteracy.org

HawaiiLiteracy.org

As I read the article I kept thinking “I wish I could help out.” Then it turned into, “I need to help.”  Luckily the last sentence in the piece was, If you can read this, you can help!  I went to the website and did a little research.  I go to an orientation to see if it is something I am interested in –I know that I am- then if I decided to help I start a sixteen hour training schedule.  Four weeks later I am assigned an adult to tutor.  Me and the person I am helping decide when and where and how often we meet.

The crazy thing is, is that this is something I have thought about for most of my life.  I remember the first time I learned that there were adults in the world who didn’t know how to read.  I was in kindergarten or first grade –I remember the school being the one I attended before transferring in 2nd grade- and we were walking in line back to our classroom after Art class.  We walked past these two adults on a bench leaning into one another, one adult using her finger as she read slowly while the other adult nodded and helped when the first got stuck.  I remember it hitting me that she was teaching the other to read.  This was crazy to me, adults are supposed to know how to read.

So for the last two decades of my life I have felt for the silent population of adults struggling with something most of us take for granted.  I really want to help and this is the first time an opportunity like this has shown itself to me.  I admit that I could have done research years ago and gotten involved before but I was doing other things.  Now I have the time.  Now I am able to help.  If Kyle’s work schedule will allow, the next time training starts –mid June- I will be enrolled and on my way to helping someone.

There are so many benefits to this.

- First and most obvious, there will be one less illiterate adult in this world and that will be because of me!

- I will also be getting out of the house.  I love my kids but sometimes mama needs some time away to have adult-type conversations with adults.

- I will have my own ‘thing’.  As a stay at home mom there are not a lot of projects one can undertake that don’t involve the kids.  Again, I love my kids but everything in my world can’t be about them.

- I will have something to put on my resume.  Although it is volunteer it is still beneficial in my work history if I ever want to get a job in the book industry.  Plus it will add to that giant gap that is developing as I raise the kids.

This is something I really want to do and it looks like it is something totally attainable.  I am so excited.  What a perfect opportunity for someone like me, I get to share something I love with someone who has never experienced it.

The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick

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Guess who finished another book?  This girl!!!  This book took just two days to read because it was that good!  The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick may be most recognized as that movie -romantic-comedy-drama- that won so many awards (Oscars, Golden Globes, and SAG Awards) but it was a bestseller before the movie released.

The Silver Linings Playbook By Matthew Quick

The Silver Linings Playbook
By Matthew Quick

I wanted to read Silver Linings Playbook because my silly husband saw the movie when he flew to Korea a few months ago.  I had been wanting to see it –no necessarily dying to, just wanting- but having kids and no sitter, going to see it in theater was not going to happen so I planned on waiting to grab it when it came out on DVD.  Airlines air movies before their released on DVD and Kyle’s flight was 18 hours so he took advantage of the in-flight entertainment.  When he got home he went on and on about this great movie he saw, The Silver Linings Playbook.  I began to really want to see it.

Later that same week that Kyle got home I happened to see the book while at Target.  I snatched it up and planned to read it before seeing the movie.  Well I had been on a roll reading books that Reece or Kyle picked so Silver Linings kept on getting pushed back.  That was until the day I got my hands on the movie.  I happened to finish Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk the afternoon we got the movie.  Once I was done with the previous book I dove into Silver Linings as if my life depended on it.

It is such an easy and interesting read.  The chapters are relatively short so it is easy to put down if you need to and pick it back up with little effort.  The whole book is from the perspective of Pat Peoples, who was just taken out of a mental institution by his mom.  He was committed when he had a mental breakdown and committed a crime.  He is obsessed with getting back with his wife Nikki after their ‘apart time’ is over.  Pat thinks his life is a movie in which God is directing.  Everything he does is in effort to get back with Nikki.

Pat is introduced to Tiffany, the sister-in-law of his boyhood friend, who is also suffering from mental instability.  She recruits Pat to be her dancing partner in a competition and in return will deliver messages between Pat and Nikki as to not disturb their restraining orders.  Pat and Tiffany develop a cute friendship where each knows what the other is going through; she being recently widowed.

I really can’t say much more about the book without giving away some spoilers.  It is so cute, heartwarming, heartbreaking, funny, and oh-so satisfying.  I couldn’t help but smile at the end.  Pat has such a good outlook on life –ie. silver lining of dark clouds- which was so refreshing because his current situation could easily pull a person to wallow in self-pity.

I loved this book.  I enjoyed being in Pat Peoples’ head, hearing his thoughts and seeing life from his perspective.  I wish I had the stamina to work-out like he does but then again, he isn’t doing it form himself but for his beloved Nikki.  Pat even reads classic literature in effort to impress Nikki but is disturbed that so many end depressing (his thoughts on these books are hilarious).  His perspective is so honest and so often his mouth doesn’t have a filter which made the dialogue so great.  It is one of those books you could read more than once, especially if you’re in a bit of a funk.  I want Pat as a friend.

The movie was a good representation of the book but like always, there are things left out that I missed.  Most of the little changes weren’t bad but I wished they would have stayed more true to two of characters; one was given more of a role while another was lessened.  Also the ending in the book leaves you to guess/create the obvious outcome whereas the movie paints a pretty picture.  Nonetheless, it didn’t mess up the meat of the story and it is apparent why the book is a bestseller and the movie won so many damn awards; they are both so fricken good.

 

To give credit where credit is due, image stolen from www.amazon.com.

Ps.  That is a direct link to the book on amazon so go but the book, you wont regret it.

Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk by Ben Fountain

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This time Kyle picked my book.  He told me to pull all the books I was interested in and pile them up on the table so he could make a decision.  I ended up grabbing more than twenty.  He came downstairs, looked at the spines as they lay in neatly stacked piles, and within 30 seconds picked one.

I bought Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk by Ben Fountain because it looked interesting and was a National Book Award Finalist.  I am a sucker for a book with some accolades.  Plus it was about a soldier and his unit on a “Victory Tour” after a news crew captured their heroic acts in battle (This takes place during Operation Iraqi Freedom).  Right up my alley; award and military.

Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk  by Ben Fountain

Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk
by Ben Fountain

I was so pumped when Kyle picked this book because it was one that I had been wanting to read.  As soon as his decision was made I put the other books away and go to reading the first moment the kids would allow.  Within the first few pages I began to realize this was not going to be what I was anticipating.

The author, I feel, does a great job exposing the inner workings of a nineteen year old kid, home from the war.   His thoughts about hot girls, masturbating, fretting over his virginity, getting drunk, etc do not seem exaggerated or out of place.  Billy Lynn is a well thought out character ringing so true to today’s soldiers.

Billy and the other guys show signs of PTSD, war skepticism and loyalty.  They screwed with each other but had the best of intentions, they were brothers in arms.  I feel like the author did his research; either spending some time with a real unit or personally knowing someone who served.  The soldiers fit their ranks and place in the unit very well; I absolutely loved SGT. Dime he is what a Sergeant should be.

Like most soldiers I know, Billy doesn’t like people calling him a hero.  He says over and over in conversations he only did what he was trained to do, not something heroic.  He talks with a lot of people and they tell him their opinions of the war, full of American pride.   One of my favorite aspects –and one I haven’t seen before- was when the author brought the reader into Billy’s head as someone was talking to him and he wasn’t fully listening.  Sentences were long and drawn out or we’d only get fragments of what was being said (hard to explain how he does it but it makes total sense when you see it.)

It was a well written book, that is undeniable, what I didn’t particularly enjoy was that the story took place over such a short timespan.  Three hundred pages mostly dedicated to just three hours!  There was pleanty of thinking back/back story but the main story takes place during a NFL Football game.  Two thirds are about what happens before halftime alone!  I guess I had a hard time reading a book that takes place over a few hours when it takes me a few days to get through.

Fountain really hit the nail on the head with this book.  Nothing felt cliché, contrived, or pushed.  It could have easily been a memoir if Billy Lynn was a real person.   I was cheering for him to get the girl, nervous for him going back to war, embarrassed for him when he drunkenly made a fool of himself, and rooting for him in the movie deal.  I want to hear more of his story, what happens after the last page.

Tag teaming this.

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If you would have told me the last 48 hours would have turned out the way they had I would have not believed you.  I would have told you Reece has a typical cold and we would nurse him with medicines and rest and that would be the end of it.  Don’t worry, it really is nothing serious but it is one of those times that makes me glad Kyle is not TDY or deployed.

Two nights ago Reece was waking up about every fifteen minutes.  He was coughing, burning up, sweating, crying, the whole gambit.  After a few times going into his room to soothe him, Kyle took one for the team and crawled into bed with him.  Reece continued to wake up frequently but would go back to sleep pretty easily once he saw and talked to daddy.  I got decent sleep but Kyle did not look good in the morning.

Yesterday morning Reece was not doing much better so I made a same-day appointment for him to see a doctor.  The appointment time was pretty convenient   It was a full hour before Kylee would need to eat again then take a nap and two hours before lunch but Reece hadn’t been eating too much lately so I wasn’t terribly concerned.

When making an appointment, they say to be fifteen minutes early to get vitals and other information for the doctor.  Me always being early, made sure to be there fifteen minutes before the fifteen minutes early they request I be.  I waited and waited and waited.  We were triaged by the nurse ten minutes after our scheduled appointment time and finally taken back to the doctor 40 minutes late.

By this time Kylee was starting to get hungry and fussy from being cooped up in the stroller and Reece was bored and miserable.  I admit fault.  I should have brought food and entertainment but I figured if I was actually seen when I was supposed we should have been out of there well before either was hungry or tired.

The doc listened to Reece’s chest, belly, and back then we talked about what was going on.  She told me she heard a “crackle” in his lungs so she wanted him to have a breathing treatment then an x-ray to rule our pneumonia.  I honestly figured it was the common cold, maybe with an ear infection to boot.  I did not expect pneumonia or anything requiring an x-ray.

We were taken to another room where he would get the breathing treatment.  It was a fun room with an ocean scene painted on the walls but Reece was cautious as we walked in.  The nurse adjusted the table so I could sit on it with him and, to Reece, that was the final straw.  Reece lost his damn mind!  He screamed and cried in my arms, scared of a moving examination table.  After calming him we started the treatment and he lost his mind again.  From the mask to the smoke to the unfamiliar woman to the moving table all added up to me having to bear hug him while she heald the mask to his face.  It was awful.

Kyle was in a class on base a few building down from the hospital so I sent him a text telling him where I was but there was limited signal so I wasn’t sure he would get my message.

After that lovely experience we headed down to Radiology for the x ray.  I waited in line and when I was called up I was told I couldn’t check in without a chaperone.  I couldn’t send Reece in for the x-ray by himself and I couldn’t leave Kylee outside while I went in with Reece.  They called a chaperone for me and I waited.

Ten minutes go by, no chaperone.  Reece is obviously bored and Kylee is squirming and fussy as it was way past her eating time.

Staying sane by getting silly.

Staying sane by getting silly.

Five more minutes, no chaperone.

Then I look up to see Kyle walking into the waiting room!  Honestly, the stress melted away.  Reece’s face lit up, Kylee was giggly again, and we no longer needed to wait for a chaperone!  Kyle took Reece back to the x-ray and when they returned Reece was still all smiles.  We –as a family- went back to the doc’s office to look over the x-rays and finish up the appointment.

It seemed like everything was going wrong when it was just me but when Kyle came along everything played out smoothly.  The rest of the evening we worked together getting both kids fed and put to bed.  Reece started coughing and crying like he did the night before so I decided to stay in his room so Kyle could get a good night sleep; he had to work in the morning.

I hardly got any sleep at all between the breathing treatments –every four hours- and he regularly waking up coughing.  When 6 o’clock rolled around I made my way downstairs with a pillow and set up camp on the couch where I spent all morning as Reece watched PBS kids and Kylee played (not my proudest parenting moment but I wasn’t being purely lazy, I had an excuse.)  Best part of the morning came after Kylee went down for a nap and Reece sat on me as he watched Sid the Science Kid, Kyle came home!

Since coming home he has played with the kids, fed them, put them down for naps, cleaned the house AND gave me some quiet time so I could sit down to write.  These past two days it is very  apparent to me why parents come in twos.  Either they work together or one takes the brunt while the other does what needs to be done, then they switch roles; tag teaming.  If Kyle were out of town, I could do it but it wouldn’t be pretty.  There would be a lot of PB&Js and cartoons but it would all get done.

Daddy's Girl

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Reblogged from sublimesublife:

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I was completely in awe of my dad from the very first time I saw him, from the very first moment my baby blues opened. I had his heart, and he had mine.  I’ve been a daddy’s girl every day of my life. When mom said “no,” I’d rush off to ask dad, knowing he’d give into his only little girl.

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I really f'n HATE cancer (again)!